


Antithesis

by pfeifferpack



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 18:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19045750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pfeifferpack/pseuds/pfeifferpack
Summary: A brief exploration in contrasts as Angel gets caught up in the spell from Tabula Rasa along with the others. Very different behaviors from the two vampires in Buffy's life would be very illuminating but would it be enough to make Buffy see that those who've stayed at her side have more to offer than she's allowed them give? Would parts of her broken heart begin to mend even as the rest of her heart is in tatters? Just what lessons could they all learn from what they witness?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in response to a challenge by stormkitten on Elysian Fields

[](https://imgur.com/nF5XR2M)

Chapter 1

 

Angels convertible sped up the lonely highway at a dangerous clip. For a vampire who usually took his own sweet time for almost any activity his driving bordered on manic. He was clearly a vampire on a mission.

 

“I remember that Giles had another translation of the Nyazian Scrolls. If the old bastard won’t lend it to us I’ll just get Buffy to get it for me. Tell her the truth… it’s apocalyptic so they should let us have it. Gotta find out what the Tro-Clon really means. Not going to let anyone threaten my son.” He drifted off in wonder as he did each time he thought about the improbable miracle that Darla was carrying.

 

Darla, herself, was a miracle. Back from the dust and fully human only to be turned once again, this time by Dru. He didn’t know whether to thank Wolfram and Hart or destroy them for this conceit.

 

He thought back to the night the child was conceived. It was one of the lowest points in his entire souled existence and that included those few years living in alleys and eating rats. Battle after battle and still the evil came. It was like he was looking at an endless line of useless fights, ‘to what end?’ 

 

He’d nearly lost his team thanks to that depression. They’d not approved of his letting Dru and the newly turned Darla dine on the room filled with W & H’s finest. Angel had seen it as just another way of stamping out evil even if that evil happened to be human.

 

Holland had shown him that the battle was futile at best. Angel had seen that the “home office” of the Senior Partners was Earth itself and that humanity was its own worst enemy. It was hard to continue championing the helpless when so often they were asking for what they got.

 

“So damned tired of it all. All the guilt and pressure,” he let himself go off on a comfortable brood. “None of them really has a clue just how hard it is to keep fighting the same fight over and over with nothing gained.”

 

He’d slept with Darla deliberately, both of them fully expecting him to be rid of the chains weighing him down thanks to the vengeful gypsy curse come morning.

 

The cursed soul had forced him to give up so much! All the freedom and pleasures he’d enjoyed even before being turned. ‘Face it, even Liam wasn’t an altar boy.’ It forced him into a life that … wasn’t.

 

He wasn’t a vampire any longer, not really, but he sure wasn’t a human either. He shuddered at the thought.

 

The out clause to the curse had even cost him his sweet, innocent Buffy!

 

“It’s the dreams,” he decided. All those dreams of murder and mayhem he had every time he slept. He felt alive! He felt happy! He felt fulfilled as his demon cavorted through the dreamscape piling up bodies and indulging every whim. Then he’d waken and the damning curse would kick in and fill him with revulsion and guilt.

 

His son! A reward for all his suffering, just like Buffy was going to be one day. Nothing and nobody was going to cheat him of that.

 

“Whatever this Tro-Clon part of the prophecy is, I won’t let W&H or a bunch of demons take what’s mine!” Angel set his jaw in determination. Wes had figured out that the passage was about a confluence of events and this birth of his miracle son would only be one part of those events. The child itself wasn’t the cause for either the ruination or purification of mankind and Wes wasn’t even certain of which translated word applied to the prophecy at any rate.

 

In trying to win life for Darla, Angel had received this coming baby as his reward and he had suffered the trials to pay that price. Darla would live, through their son.

 

“The boy is mine! The Powers won’t let their Champion lose the one good thing to happen to me in… ever! I won’t let them!” Surely the translation in Giles’ library would flesh out what information they had and help them to protect the unborn child.

 

Wes had been the one to put the idea in his head. He’d pointed out that others seemed to know far more about the child’s importance than they did. The vampires who had come to worship the child and the team from W&H who were ready to take it upon birth were only two factions they had fought off. The rumors were spreading in the demon community and there was interest in the baby that bordered on the fanatical.

 

They had already scoured the scroll they had there for answers but there had to be more elsewhere and Rupert’s arcane library was the likely place to start the search.

 

He increased his speed as his car ate up the empty highway. He had time, even if it was limited. Darla had only begun to show signs of labor and Sunnydale was only a couple of hours from LA.

 

***

 

Spike followed Buffy like a faithful but confused hound. “Can we talk?”

 

Buffy had zero desire to talk about the recent events that had caused her to expose far more about her time in heaven and her current state of mind. She had talked to Spike about both before the dancing demon had ruined everything. Talking about why she had chased after him and kissed him though, was one topic that she had NO interest in exploring. “Vocal-cord-wise? Yes. With each other? No.” The very last thing she wanted was to let the vampire any closer than she already had. He knew her too well and she was fighting just to make it through one more day without complicating things with his issues.

 

Spike wasn’t giving up though, not when that kiss had revealed so much more than he had ever been expecting from Buffy. “We have to talk.” How was he supposed to know what it meant if the girl wouldn’t talk about it? “We kissed, Buffy.”

 

Buffy stopped walking and sighed deeply. “So?” She quickly tried to blame it on the spell that left everyone’s dark secrets exposed and raw. “I will never kiss you, Spike. Never touch you ever, ever, again,” she vowed.

 

Spike could hear her desperately trying to rebuild the wall that had started a slow crumble with that kiss… hell really started with all her friendly visits since her return from heaven.

 

He would have to find a way to prove to Buffy that he had changed… okay, was changing. That he was more than just a monster who was useful from time to time. He couldn’t let her put him and his feelings in some box then lock it up somewhere. They had something, he felt it.

 

Then came a flying stake, a literal land shark, and his vampire thugs, to remind the girl all over again that Spike was first and foremost a demon. ‘Just my bloody luck!’

 

Still, Buffy’s throwing him to the ground to protect him from the stake had been encouraging. She may not be willing to see him as proper boyfriend material but at least she no longer wanted to see him dust. Spike grinned as he watched Buffy do verbal battle with the demons there to collect their Persians. She cared, he just knew it! Now he just had to get her to see and admit it too.

 

Discretion being the better part of valor encouraged Spike to take the opening that Buffy’s interference had lent him and get away from those intent on getting their pound of flesh. He fled.

 

*** 

 

The dejected Scoobies had been talking about the revelation that they hadn’t so much saved Buffy as kidnapped her from heaven itself. None of them really regretted that their friend was back among the living but they now understood why she was less than grateful.

 

“I can fix it!” Willow insisted. “I know a spell.”

 

Tara looked at her girlfriend in horror. “NO! No more magic, Willow. That’s not the purpose of magic anyway. There is no fixing this. We have to let Buffy re-adjust at her own pace. We need to be supportive and let her tell us what she needs.”

 

“This isn’t something that’s gonna be fixed by hot chocolate and movie nights. I know I messed up, okay and I want to fix it and I can.”

 

Tara was aghast. “I can’t believe that we’re talking about this again. You know how powerful magic is, how dangerous. You could hurt someone… you could hurt yourself.”

 

Willow had on her resolve face. “I know a spell that will make her forget she was ever in heaven.”

 

Tara threw up her hands in exasperation. “God, what is wrong with you?”

 

Anya squirmed as the Wiccans squared off in an unusual fight. Tara had rarely taken Willow to task on anything! She glanced at Xander and gave a jerk of her head towards the door.

 

“Yeah, I’m gonna go get that phone you probably don’t hear,” he edged out the door with Anya on his heels.

 

Tara and Willow didn’t even notice. They were already mid-fight as Tara let Willow know that she already knew that Willow had used the spell in question on her once before and didn’t like it one bit.

 

“You violated my mind! How could you, Willow? After what Glory did to me, my family too… how could you?”

 

“I didn’t violate you, sweetie,” Willow whined placatingly. “I just wanted us not to fight. Wanted you to be happy again.”

 

“If you don’t want to fight do you know what you do? You don’t fight. You don’t go into someone else’s mind and make things the way you want them.”

 

“Okay, I realize I did it wrong.”

 

Tara noticed she didn’t say that doing it was wrong. “You did it the way you are doing everything. When things get hard or people aren’t acting the way you want them to, you change it. You want everything the way YOU think it should be. It’s not good for you, Willow. It’s not what magic is for and besides you aren’t always right!”

 

“But I just want to help people,” Willow wheedled.

 

“When it started, maybe. Now you’re just using it to help yourself. To make things the way you want them to be no matter what anyone else wants. I can’t live with someone who would do that to me.”

 

“No, Tara!” Willow panicked. “ I need you, I love you. I don’t need magic, I can go without and I can prove it to you. Just let me show you I can change. Give me a month!”

 

Tara looked at her skeptically. “A week. You go one whole week with no magic at all and we’ll see.”

 

Tara left the room and a crestfallen Willow.

 

“I can’t lose her,” Willow cried.

 

*** 

 

Buffy punched the bag hard enough to make it spin. Giles was leaving! Even after finding out the truth of where she had been, how hard it was to adjust, he was going to abandon her like all the rest.

 

“As long as I stay, you’ll always turn to me when something comes up that you feel you can’t handle.” Buffy wondered what was wrong with that? Didn’t everyone have someone they could turn to in the hard times? “I’ll step in because I can’t bear to see you suffer.”

 

‘Well that makes two of us,’ Buffy thought. Giles was continuing with his rationalizations for abandonment. ‘He knows that’s a weak spot for me too! Why is he doing this?’

 

“I taught you all I can about being a Slayer and your mother taught you what you need to know about life. But, you’re not going to trust yourself until you are forced to stand alone.”

 

“I stand alone every night, Giles. I’ve been standing alone for ages. You say you’ve taught me all you can about being a Slayer? I’ve learned that every night since I was called, with every blow, every broken bone, every cut. I’ve learned it by bringing death to demons and vampires by the dozens. You didn’t teach me that.” She was rapidly going from hurt to angry.

 

“When did you teach me to read all those books you have that tell about the demons and the apocalypses and omens? When did you teach me how to do the other things a Watcher is supposed to do for their Slayers to help keep us alive?”

 

Giles looked uncomfortable. “Now more than ever the temptation to give up is going to be overwhelming and I just cannot…”

 

“Just what? Bury me again? That what you’re running from? Well, Giles, don’t worry about it because clearly heaven doesn’t want me and I don’t want hell so I’m not going anywhere until I have to.” She sat down on the floor mats, her voice breaking along with her heart. “You can be here and I can still be strong.”

 

“Buffy, I have thought this over and believe it’s the right thing to do.”

 

He wasn’t going to budge, she could see it. It was the same look she’d seen on her dad, on Angel, on Riley. He was already gone in every way that mattered. “You’re wrong.”

 

***

 

Angel entered the Magic Box from the sewer entrance and made his way stealthily up to the forbidden books. He doubted that Giles would notice a missing book for a while anyway. By the time they had what they needed and his son was safe he’d have the book back in its place with no one the wiser.

 

He’d overheard at least a part of the conversation between Buffy and Giles and was shocked that the Watcher was planning to leave Buffy there without the benefit of the Council’s counsel. That wasn’t how it was supposed to work! If he wasn’t so caught up in urgent business back in LA he’d have tried to set the Watcher straight! ‘Maybe once the baby is born I can drop in and offer to let Wes lend a hand from time to time. A Slayer needs a Watcher.’

 

He rifled through the older manuscripts then grinned as he spotted the other copy of the Nyzaian Scroll, the one the Council had appropriated ages ago. Surely it would explain in better detail just what they were dealing with and why so many groups had an unhealthy interest in his child.

 

He glanced at the door to the training room and fought the urge to make his presence known. He really needed to get back on the road if he wanted to be there for the birth though, so he tucked the scroll in his inner, deep pocket that often housed his longer weapons and prepared to leave.

 

Before he could make a smooth escape he had to hide in a closet as Xander and Anya returned.

 

“I agree with Tara. She’s gotten completely out of hand,” Anya was emphatic. It seemed the couple was in mid-argument. Angel shook his head in disapproval. How Xander had let a smart and classy girl like Cordy go only to settle for this shrill, brittle former demon he’d never understand. Xander was obviously a lost cause.

 

“But Willow would never do anything to hurt anyone, you know that.”

 

“Oh, no,” the girl replied with clear sarcasm. “She’d never cause anyone to become demon bait or blind or bring a troll into this dimension or anything like that.” Anya rolled her eyes. “Every bit of magic she’s done has had unexpected bad stuff attached. Grow up, Xander, she’s irresponsible.”

 

***

 

“Willow? Come on...are you ready?” Dawn yelled up the stairwell.

 

Based on what Willow was wearing, or not wearing more accurately, she was not. She pulled the towel tightly around her body and looked down at Dawn below her. “Not so much. You go on ahead and tell Giles to hold up. I’ll be there asap.”

 

Tara was already at the door and clearly still not happy with Willow. “Fine. Come on Dawnie, we’ll drive over and let everyone know Willow will be late.”

 

“Hurry up, you don’t want to miss the latest on the ooky monster of the week.”

 

“I’ll be there,” Willow assured the two.

 

She watched as the two girls got into the car and drove away then went quickly upstairs to her room. Towels no longer in place, it was obvious that Willow was already dressed and her hair completely dry all along. She smiled in satisfaction. Soon everything and everybody would be right as rain! ‘Really! I don’t understand why Tara doesn’t see how helpful magic can be. She acts like a timid old lady sometimes!’

 

Willow gathered her supplies and made her way downstairs to the living room and the fireplace. She looked at the large piece of Lethe’s Bramble and grinned. “Such a simple spell and it’ll do so much good! It can fix it all. Everybody can be like we were before when we were all tight and trusting.”

 

She knelt by the fireplace, “No pesky memories to keep us from being the way we are the happiest.”

 

She thought of Buffy and Tara especially and how upset they both were with her as she struck a match and set the flowers on fire.

 

“Let Lethe’s Bramble do its chore. Purge their minds of memories grim, of pains from recent slights and sins.” She reached into a small pouch on her belt and took out a crystal, holding it to the flaming flower. “When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black, the spell will be cast. Tabula rasa, tabula rasa, tabula rasa.” She took the now blackened crystal and put it back in her pouch and prepared to leave.

 

As the door slammed behind her as the flames reached out as if seeking more purpose than the Witch had intended and touched off the bag with the other flowers that Willow had left on the hearth. The green glow was pretty.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

The gang was all gathered at the Magic Box not knowing just why Giles had called them all together. Judging from Buffy’s facial expression it wasn’t good. Then again, Buffy hadn’t looked happy in a very long time.

 

Giles cleared his throat and gave Buffy a nervous glace. “I have something I really have to tell you all. I know it feels like we’ve been through this before…”

 

Buffy lost her patience. “Just jump to the chase. Tell them you’re…”

 

Before the suspense could be broken the door flew open and Spike, dressed in a way that could only be called bizarre, crashed the party. The suit was dated but wouldn’t have been too terrible had he not added a hat that would have looked out of place anywhere that wasn’t a foot deep in snow. “You need to give me asylum!”

 

Xander was quick-witted even though gobsmacked, “I’ll say! Looks like you just escaped from one.”

 

Spike gave him a death glare. “It’s a disguise. There’s a bloke I’d rather not see just now.” He looked over his shoulder towards the storefront, locked the door, and moved to the counter to sit near the register unnerving Anya by being so close to the money.

 

Buffy, looking amused for the first time in … ever … raised an eyebrow and waited for further entertainment.

 

“He’s got a mouthful of choppers just waiting to be yanked out and worn as a necklace.”

 

Buffy nodded remembering the shark-faced demon from the previous night. “Still stiffing him the kitties?”

 

“Not a welcher! He’ll get his Persians all in good time. Can’t bloody pay him if I’m a pile of dust though.”

 

“Kitties?” Tara and Dawn both exclaimed at the same time.

 

“Um…” Spike looked at the two girls who were the only other people aside from Buffy whose regard he valued and squirmed in discomfort. “‘Bout that. Yeah, that’s why I’m not payin’. Tryin’ to figure another way to cover the debt without any cute feline carnage.”

 

He could see that he had lost points in his favor with both girls and sighed with regret.

 

Giles cleared his throat loudly, “Now that we’ve recovered from Spike’s … sartorial humor. I wanted you all to know that I’m headed back to England and plan to stay… indefinitely.”

 

Buffy went rigid. It was official now. Everyone was adding their two cents worth about Giles and his plans and all she heard was a roaring sound in her head. She backed away and moved towards the door. “I know you guys are just trying to help but it’s just too much and I can’t take any more.”

 

Suddenly Buffy and everyone else in the room fell to the floor unconscious.

 

In the closet, Angel was the last to fall, managing to hit his head on a set of free weights before also losing consciousness. No one heard his last word as deep darkness descended, “Crap!”

 

***

 

They all began to regain consciousness at about the same time. The lone victim of Willow’s latest spell to remain both unconscious and with the makings of a fairly large lump on his slightly larger than normal forehead was the closeted Angel.

 

Each looked sheepishly at the others in personal confusion and embarrassment as they realized they were a blank slate about … everything actually.

 

The youngest resisted the urge to scream at the top of her lungs in fear but did scoot back against the wall. “Please don’t hurt me,” she made her plea to the room filled with strangers.

 

The dark-haired young man felt paranoia begin to take over and looked at the other two males with suspicion. He gave the girls a few looks too, especially the cute red-head who had been apparently resting on his chest. Maybe that was a safe place to start. “Hey,” he said with all the lack-of-charm of a pick-up artist on the make.

 

The girl moved away from him with a bit of fear in her eyes, “Do you know me?... Because you were just all like,” She waved her hands indicating their position upon awakening from being knocked-out. She didn’t feel like the sort of person that would randomly cuddle a stranger.

 

“Not a clue.”

 

“Wait,” the hot blonde held up her hand. “Hey take it easy everybody. No one’s hurt, right?” She checked herself over and the others followed her lead as if long in the habit of doing so. “We’re probably safe here. Wherever here is that is.”

 

They all began to relax slightly realizing that everyone seemed to be in the same boat. Maybe a gas leak?

 

The curviest blonde had been looking around at the items surrounding them. “It looks like we’re in a magic store of some kind. Not the kind with card tricks, but real magic.” She picked up a crystal and enjoyed the physical energy she seemed to get from the stone.

 

The older man scoffed, “Magic! What balderdash.” He also looked around but in something like disgust. “This tells us nothing,” he stopped mid-sentence and seemed to come to a slight epiphany. “Except I appear to be British, don’t I? And… Um, I’m a man with glasses.” He felt a sudden sense of embarrassment making statements of the obvious. “Well, that narrows it down considerably,” he added in self-deprecation adding to his conviction that he hailed from the British Isles.

 

“Thank you, Sherlock Holmes,” the oddly dressed white-haired man rolled his eyes. “Never would have twigged to that would we.” Snark rolled off of him effortlessly.

 

The frightened young girl had begun to cry and the leader-like blonde had put a friendly arm around her. “It’s okay, don’t worry. We’ll take care of each other.”

 

The British man tried to add his support as well. “Yes. We’ll all get our memories back and it will be right as rain quick as a flash.”

 

The Snark-Master snorted. “Oh listen to Mary Poppins all pip-pip and Bob’s your uncle with that posh, Nancy-boy accent.” His voice trailed off as everyone stared at him. The beautiful blonde he couldn’t keep his eyes off of raised a brow and looked amused. “You English are always so…” The girl let out a small laugh Somehow he seemed to find a beautiful woman laughing at him an uncomfortably familiar feeling.

 

Suddenly he realized the reason for the spreading amusement. “OH! Bloody hell!” He let out a string of obvious British slang and sank back against the counter he’d awakened on just moments before. “Oh, God! I’m English!”

 

The older man gave him a very self-satisfied smirk. “Welcome to the nancy tribe.”

 

The younger looking man glared at him, “You don’t suppose you and I are related?”

 

The other previously silent third blonde woman looked from one man to the other. “There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.”

 

The older man shuddered, unexpectedly queasy at the thought. “Well, you do inspire a certain particular feeling of … familiarity and vague disappointment.” The two looked one another over with a touch of revulsion. “Older brother?”

 

The younger man snorted, “Father. God, how I must hate you.”

 

The older man looked affronted, “What did I do?”

 

“There’s always somethin’. You’ve the look of someone who wouldn’t know a good time if it bit you on the arse in spite of the tart you were sleepin’ with over there.”

 

“Hey!” The blonde looked at the older man again this time appraisingly in a more proprietary manner. He looked comfortable if not prosperous and he was certainly attractive enough. Yes, she could easily see that she was involved with the more cultured of the two Brits. She noticed the sparkling diamond on her left hand and held it up for all to see, “Look! It’s okay! We’re engaged.”

 

The older man smiled in a way that softened all his features immediately, “Oh.” He felt pleasantly chuffed to think such a sexy and beautiful girl must be his.

 

“Old enough to be her dad,” his self-proclaimed son accused.

 

“Old am I? I’m young enough to still get carded.”

 

The red-haired woman let out an excited exclamation, “Carded! Drivers licenses!” As she began to check her pockets for ID. The others all joined in searching themselves for anything that might give them a clue to their identities.

 

The brown-haired boy was the first to discover his. “Alexander Harris!” he held his prize for all to see.

 

The red-head and the quiet blonde who had recognized the store’s merchandise discovered theirs next. College students, likely they knew one another.

 

In short order, the only ones with no forms of identity were the take-charge blonde, the young girl, and the assumed son of Rupert Giles.

 

The young girl didn’t have any paperwork to identify her but the necklace she wore proclaimed that her name was likely Dawn.

 

“Looks like that leaves us,” the blonde smiled kindly at the snarky yet sexy, even if oddly dressed, Brit.

 

He stopped checking his obviously empty pockets and noticed a name embroidered in the lining of his tweed jacket. “Randy?” He glared at the older man. “You named me RANDY? Why not just name me Horny Giles or Desperate for a Shag Giles? I knew there had to be a reason I hated you.”

 

The older man felt unaccountably guilty, “It’s undoubtedly a family name. Perhaps Randolph?”

 

“Oh, and that’s so much better,” his ‘son’ sulked.

 

“Guess it’s just me then,” the blonde shrugged. “Joan. I feel like a Joan,” she announced.

 

The younger girl raised her upper lip in scorn, “Joan? What a dweeby name!”

 

“It is not. It’s a perfectly respectable and reliable name. Someone you could count on. A name with substance and not silly in the least.”

 

The two females began to squabble only to stop on a shared laugh and simultaneous conclusion, “Sisters?” They both continued to laugh having decided that only sisters could fight over nothing as they had been doing.

 

The celebratory mood was cut short as a loud banging on the locked front door began and a guttural voice demanded, “Send out either the Persians or Spike or we’ll come in there and start killing people.”

 

They looked about in renewed confusion and more than a bit of alarm. The red-head spoke with a quivering voice. “Anybody think they might be Iranian?”

 

*** 

 

Giles, being the elder and (thanks to the results of his fiance’s proving his ownership of the shop) responsible party went to the door to confront the hooligans making threats. He hoped his wayward son wasn’t responsible for this entire fiasco in some way, yet felt that it might be likely.

 

“There are no Iranians in here although,” he looked at the hand filled with wooden stakes in his son’s hands, “there appear to be plenty of stakes if that’s what you’re wanting.”

 

Joan came to stand behind Giles with her own hand filled with the wooden stakes. “I have plenty here,” she announced forcefully.

 

The deformed face looking in the shop window looked fearful as he saw the girl with a handful of deadly implements. “Um… didn’t know the Slayer was there. Pretty sure Sharky will be okay with a delay.” The creature muttered. “Just tell Spike he’s got 24-hours or he’s dust.”

 

The others worked up the nerve to look at the frightening faces on the other side of the door, some of the group screamed in startled fear.

 

“My God! What are they?” Alex’s voice trembled.

 

“They look like movie monsters,” Dawn suggested. “Hey, they were afraid of those stakes… maybe they’re vampires?”

 

“Stuff and twaddle,” huffed Giles. “Vampires! Next thing you’ll say is that you believe in all manner of demons.”

 

“Says the Magic store proprietor,” Randy chided.

 

The monsters had backed away from the door and faded into the shadows. Still, the unnerved group of people refused to relax.

 

“Maybe there’s something here that can help us know how to protect ourselves,” Tara suggested and headed towards the pile of books on a round table tucked near a short stairway.

 

“Oh, hey! A laptop. Bet there’s something online to help too,” Willow suggested.

 

In a fairly short time, their research had given them lots of information, lots of it conflicting. Vampires both could and could not cross running water. Holy items could repel them… or not. Garlic was lethal, or it wasn’t. The only things they had found that seemed consistent was that vampires supposedly had to be invited into a person’s home but could easily enter a public place like the shop. Also that a pointy piece of wood in their unbeating hearts would destroy them even if some accounts seemed to imply it had to be a certain type of wood. Having their head removed was universally agreed to be effective as well.

 

Joan nodded. “So we’re vulnerable here if we stay. We need to get somewhere safe then we can figure out why we can’t remember anything. I say we load up on these,” she grabbed a stake, “and other weapons then go to a private home.”

 

They all looked uncomfortable realizing they had no clue where they lived.

 

Alex brightened, “Hey, my address is on the license. We could all go there. At least they can’t get us there.”

 

“How do we get there?”

 

“Dad probably has some middle-aged penismobile. He can drive us,” Randy suggested.

 

“Even if I have a vehicle, how do we determine where this apartment is located?” Giles glared at his delinquent son. It seemed more and more clear that they got along like chalk and cheese. Likely a rebellious phase the lad would outgrow in time he hoped.

 

Anya grinned. “We call a cab of course. Give them the address and they take us right to it.”

 

***

 

Everyone made certain they had a stake and some sharp weapon as they waited for the taxi.

 

Meanwhile, a low growl was heard coming from behind a door that seemed to be a closet of some kind. “I’m going to rip out the liver of whatever feckin’ bastard clubbed me,” growled someone with a faint Irish accent.

 

The closet door flew open knocking Dawn into Willow as an enraged vampire in full game face, a bleeding cut on his forehead, emerged.

 

He stopped to glare at the group of humans all looking at him in horror. ‘That’s right. Feel the fear of the Angel of Death. Should heal up right quick with all the blood bags standin’ right here.’

 

His eyes landed on an athletic blonde woman that made his cock twitch in approval. “Well, well… what have we here?” He grinned wickedly. “Tasty blonde bitch just beggin’ for my fangs and maybe more, eh?”

 

The beast looked Joan over in a way that made her skin crawl.

 

“Bit old for my liking but,” he licked his lips lasciviously. “I’ll make an exception in your case, darlin’. You put me in mind of someone. Can’t remember who just now though. Seem to remember she was quite a delightful armful though...wonder if it was you?” He made a reach for Joan as they all looked on in horror.

 

Alex was closest to the two of them and he made a quick grab for the beefy vampire. “No, I don’t think so.”

 

The monster laughed. “Think ya’ve the balls ta stop me?” He lunged at Joan again as Alex pulled him off of her.

 

The monster sighed in disgust. “Well, I’m not too particular. A lad will do as well.” He gave Alex a look that made his blood run cold in fear and before he could move out of the way the monster latched onto his neck with his fangs.

 

There was a collective scream as the attack shook them out of their fear-induced stupor.

 

Randy rushed forward and grabbed the monster by the neck in a choke hold, pulling him from Alex. “Don’t think so.” He began to fight the beast in earnest not noticing the horrified looks from the others. “Keep your teef to yoursef,” he lisped.

 

Joan didn’t know what to do when Randy’s face shifted into a not completely unappealing visage that showed him to also be a vampire.

 

Her mind raced. Randy was a vampire but he had been one of them too. He hadn’t harmed anyone and had just saved the dazed and bleeding Alex. Some part of her screamed at her to ram the wooden implement into both of the fighting demons but another part couldn’t bring herself to make a move that would end the snarky young man she had been lightly flirting with for the past hour or so.

 

The fight was fierce with Randy having more skill and speed while the monster he fought had more bulk and size. Everyone felt nearly paralyzed with shock but still had the good sense to get out of the way of the combatants.

 

Randy had managed to maneuver the vampire to the door and Joan rushed over to open it to the outdoors. Randy gave a swift and powerful kick to the vampire’s midsection knocking him into the middle of the street in front of the store. Then he and Joan slammed and locked the door and rushed to move cabinets in front to barricade the door to buy time to regroup.

 

Randy was still in vampire-face but clearly oblivious to it. “Shouldda dusted the bloody prick.”

 

Tara whispered urgently. “There’s a back door! We need to get out of here and figure everything out later,” she nodded towards Randy.

 

They all made a dash in the direction Tara had pointed and rushed into the alley behind the store. They ran as a group away from the shop and the screaming, growling vampire who had tried to kill Alex. He was still pounding on the door and yelling threats. They sped up as they heard the crash of glass indicating the beast had broken the shop’s front window and would soon realize they’d made an escape.

 

***

 

They stopped for quick gasps for air and recon of their situation. “Hey!” Anya piped up. “Isn’t this the street name for Alex’s apartment?”

 

‘Someone up there must like us,’ Tara thought. “Praise the goddess!”

 

Randy couldn’t help but look at Joan and think of all the ways he’d love to praise that goddess in better circumstances.

 

As they quickly checked addresses and realized they were close to the apartment building and safety, Randy noticed all of them moving further from him. “Know I was pretty violent but the Ponce was tryin’ to take a pint or two from Alex here.” He looked and sounded hurt by their reactions to his actions.

 

“It’s not that,” Joan sighed. “I mean… you did a good thing there but Randy, you’re a vampire too.”

 

“What?” Randy shook his head in denial. “You’re off your nut!” He looked panicked, his gaze flickering back and forth from the girl he was drawn to and then to his father. “Can’t be. Don’t want to hurt anyone except that horror-movie-reject back there.” His eyes teared up as his fear rose.

 

“It’s true,” Dawn sadly confirmed. “Your face went all funny and fangy while you were fighting.”

 

“Maybe we’re all vampires then,” Randy sounded like a cross between horrified and hopeful. He didn’t want to lose his friends and family over something that he had no control over. How could one fight rejection based on what they are instead of who they are?

 

Willow put her fingers on her neck and felt the strong, fast, pulse throbbing under them. “Nope.”

 

Anya tried to contort her face as if to force it to change. “Not me either,” she almost sounded regretful as if she would have welcomed being a demon.

 

Randy’s face looked as human as theirs again and heart-breakingly scared and hurt. “Maybe I’m a good vampire then. Noble even. Fightin’ my demon nature to help humans?” He looked from one to the other in desperation and reassurance.

 

No one answered but they still looked at him warily.

 

“I don’t want to eat anybody. Don’t want to even hurt anybody,” he looked imploringly at Alex. “Wanted to protect Alex here and still do. Want to protect the lot of you. I can’t be evil!”

 

Joan bit her bottom lip and made a decision. Whatever was going on one thing was clear and that was that Randy wasn’t a threat to them.

 

“We still need to get to Alex’s place and safety. That other vampire will be back and he’s mad and dangerous. Let’s just get to safety and sort it all out then.”

 

“Come on,” Alex panted, still a bit winded and weak. “Randy’s right. He saved me and that’s all I need to know for now at least.”

 

The group nodded in agreement but still shied away a bit from the reluctant vampire in their midst. Dawn felt a pang in her heart and laid a comforting hand on Randy’s arm. “It’ll all be okay. We’ll figure it out.” She patted him and gave a weak smile.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

“Come on in Randy. Don’t think you’d save me just to munch on my neck even if I am a nummy treat,” Alex invited Randy into the apartment with a smile.

 

“Not plannin’ on findin’ out how nummy you are or aren’t. Figure you’re a friend or us bein’ all in that shop together while the other vamps were outside makes no sense.”

 

“That’s true,” Joan readily agreed. “Besides you said you had no desire to bite any of us.”

 

“None at all,” Randy firmly shook his head as if the idea repulsed him. “Feelin’ quite protective of you lot actually.”

 

Giles felt pride swell at the thought that his son had clearly overcome the urges of such beasts as he had revealed himself to be. He had not succumbed to the baser elements and had continued to live as he’d obviously been raised… a gentleman. ‘Well, for the most part at least,’ he amended as he remembered all the snark and sass from earlier.

 

“I say, sweetheart,” Rupert beamed at his lovely finance, “did you bring the smaller tome? The one specific to memory magic?”

 

Anya glared at Giles in irritation. Why did he always rely on her to keep things on course then not listen when she tried to tell him anything! ‘Huh! Wonder how I know that?’ Still, he was being respectful and it meant something that he did trust her to handle important things like his money.

 

“I brought the other one, the one you insisted likely had the right spells. Remember I wanted the small blue book that was specific but you said we couldn’t be sure if it even was a memory spell or a spell at all?”

 

Giles looked a bit abashed. He really did need to listen to her suggestions instead of allowing himself to become so hidebound and stodgy.

 

On some level, he seemed to remember fearing he’d become just like that. He remembered the desire to run far and fast to prevent it. Perhaps that’s where Randy got it. Often parents did the same things to their children that they despised in their own growing up.

 

He made a mental note to try to be more flexible where his son was concerned. Clearly Randy’s behavior even with his… handicap showed he was a good lad at his core.

 

“I am sorry my dear. You were right as you no doubt usually are,” he smiled sincerely and also vowed to listen better when she spoke.

 

Anya was pacified. “A girl gets tired of the people around her acting like she’s ignorant, that’s all. It hurts to be dismissed. A woman expects that once she gets past her 30s, no one acts like they have anything of value to offer any longer until they’re an old crone and supposedly wise,” she mused. “But I’m still young and fetching and people should pay attention to more than my sexual skills.”

 

The gang looked horrified at her bluntness, except for Randy who grinned widely and let out a guffaw.

 

“See why you hooked up with this one pops. She’s a firecracker.”

 

“Yes, well…”

 

“About the book,” Joan began quite eager to change the subject. The mention of sexual skills had caused her to have a quick visual involving a certain vampire that made her panties damp. She felt an odd sense of familiarity at the reaction as well as a deep sense of shame.

 

She got the feeling that she and Randy must be in some sort of secret relationship. Maybe his father disapproved. He had the look of someone who might get all judgy.

 

“Randy and I seem to know how to deal with these vampires. We’ll go back and get the book while you all see what you can find out here.”

 

“Do be careful. That nasty monster seemed the type to do lasting damage.”

 

“Before you dust him,” Anya added, “try to see if he has a wallet on him or loose cash. He owes us for damages!”

 

Joan blinked and looked astounded. “Sure and should I ask if he’s insured while I’m at it?”

 

“I doubt a demon would bother with insurance. The premiums would be too high for one thing.”

 

Randy shook his head bemused by his future step-mum. “Anythin’ else we forgot? Don’t want to make multiple trips back there.”

 

“You could bring a variety of magic type stuff in case we need them for spells. You know herbs and eye of newt and things like that,” Willow suggested avidly.

 

“Wanna be more specific? I’m a vampire, not a pack mule.”

 

“I don’t know,” she snapped, her voice edgy. “Just stuff. We’ll find something to use it for I’m sure.” She rolled her eyes. Didn’t anyone else see the power available to use? All one had to do was find the right spell and everything could be just like it was supposed to be.

 

Tara looked nervously between the redhead and the vampire. “I think magic should be something we should be careful with. We don’t have our memories and I would think magic is like science, you need to know what you are doing to get the right result.”

 

“Indeed,” Rupert nodded in agreement. “One shouldn’t go about willy-nilly as if one were that mouse in the film who misused magic… you know... the one about a sorcerer involved with a lot of mops as I recall.”

 

Willow rolled her eyes. “I can see why you’d think of that. You might be timid as a mouse but I’m not.” She puffed out her chest proudly. “Since I was in your shop it seems clear that I know my way around magic. Tara’s right, it’s like science… just have to follow the formula, or come up with your own if you’re clever enough.”

 

“That’ll end well,” Randy predicted as he and Joan left the apartment.

 

***

 

“What are we? Demon magnets?” Joan huffed in annoyance. In the fairly short distance from Alex’s apartment back to the magic shop, they had encountered three vampires and one really disgusting looking fishlike guy that was totally not Charlie the Tuna. The one good thing that came out of the encounter was that they learned that Joan was some kind of Supergirl or Wonder Woman or maybe Xena. ‘So weird to know those totally not real women but be clueless about who I am. At least Randy has his real name and his dad.’

 

“So what should we do with sushi here?” Randy kicked the demon body that hadn’t had the decency to turn into dust as his buddies had. Now they were looking at this weird dead demon and knowing without question it wasn’t a good idea to call the police about the unlikely corpse.

 

“If we were closer to the ocean maybe toss him in but since I don’t see a beach nearby I’m thinking... dumpster?”

 

Randy hoisted the finned foe and went further into the alley to dispose of the body. He chuckled as he noticed the dumpster was for a seafood restaurant. “Gonna have a hard time explainin’ this bit of carry-out.”

 

Joan snickered. “Might lose customers if word gets out.”

 

They grinned at one another and dusted off the vampire remains feeling fairly pleased with how well they had fought the four who had attacked them. “Think we do this sort of thing all the time? We really had each other’s backs like it was routine.”

 

“Feels normal to have your back,” Randy admitted. “Not like you need the help. You’ve got some serious moves, like poetry.”

 

Joan beamed under his approving words and gaze. Maybe killing attackers shouldn’t result in having a good time but she’d really enjoyed the rush.

 

“So maybe we’re super-powered demon fighters,” she suggested. “Keeping the world safe from evil.”

 

“That would explain why I don’t wanna bite you and why I’m fightin’ other vampires.” Randy stood straight and proud. “I must be a noble vampire, a good guy. Must be on a mission of redemption, helpin’ the hopeless.” He brightened with a look of epiphany, “Must still have my soul!”

 

Joan frowned. “Why would you need a soul? Lots of people have souls and do bad things. Maybe you just have a good heart.”

 

Randy would have blushed if he could.

 

“If Dawn is my sister and Rupert is your dad, how do you think the others fit in?”

 

Randy shrugged. “Dunno. The tactless bird seems to be my future mum. Alex’s a Yank and none of the others have my accent so I’m guessing it’s just me and dad. Think any of the others are related to you?”

 

“I kinda feel like I might know Willow more than the other girl even though Tara’s really nice. Alex too. Maybe they’re our besties?”

 

Spike nodded as he thought of the other young man in the group. “Now that he’s home maybe he can find things that’ll help them remember by the time we get back.”

 

They arrived at the Magic Box and scoped it out to be certain that the nasty vampire wasn’t still hanging around. “Quick in and out. Get the book and go. I don’t want to face that other vampire right now. He was really creepy.”

 

“Alright. Bet I could take him again though. Seems to rely on throwin’ his weight around when we were fightin’, bloody Ponce. No skill to his moves at all.”

 

“Still rather wait to deal with him when we’re not all mindwiped,” Joan shuddered. On one hand, she felt having no memories made her feel pretty free and without cares but on the other hand, she worried that she might be forgetting some very important things. It made it hard to make some choices when you were clueless. She just hoped that Giles wasn’t related to her and Dawn. She had kind of felt like he was a father figure but maybe that was just his age. Maybe he was like a mentor or something. She really didn’t want anything to make it impossible for her to maybe develop some of her feelings for Randy once they sorted everything out.

 

“Wonder where the big lug went?”

 

“Prob’ly out stalkin’ some poor young innocent, seems the type.”

 

***

 

The nasty vampire glared at the apartment building. It had really been almost too easy to find where the shop full of snacks had gone. He was ravenous as if he hadn’t eaten properly in ages. His fangs itched to plunge in one after another of the ripe throats now so near to his reach.

 

He remembered how startled the cab driver had been when he’d confronted him.

 

“Oh, hey! If I knew the call was for a vampire …,” he looked thoughtful, “There’ll be an extra charge.”

 

“Oh, hey, I’m not paying,” The vampire had snarked before breaking the man’s neck and hoisting him into the back of his own cab. He rooted around a bit as he got in the driver’s seat and found the destination that this fare was intended easily. “No need to waste time sniffing them out.”

 

The cabby had even plotted the route on his GPS so there was no guesswork at all. That left enough time for the vampire to indulge in a fantasy or two about the fun he was going to have. He’d save the tasty blonde for last. Well, next to last. The young virgin would be the one he’d take his time with. He would also make sure to show that upstart idiot of a vampire who had dared to interfere just how a true vampire is supposed to act before he dusted him. It was going to be a long night and he was delighted he could get started right away.

 

***

 

Alex rummaged in the closet and grinned widely as he saw the frilly, girly, items intermixed with his manly wardrobe. Too small to even suggest he might be a cross-dresser, the only explanation was that one of the cuties in the group was his significant other. Too small to be Tara the buxom blonde and that was a bit of a disappointment. Still, the clothes looked like they might fit the other blonde or the redhead.

 

He’d felt a bit like he knew Willow better. Joan both attracted and scared him.

 

“Willow,” he called out. “Looks like you might live here too.”

 

Everyone crowded into the bedroom and nodded in agreement as they looked at the clothing.

 

Willow looked at the skimpy outfits and bit her lip. Somehow she wasn’t sure if it was her style but as she looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror she had to admit it fit with what she was wearing.

 

She must have come into her own sexually to be that courageous in her wardrobe. Part of her wanted to just wrap up in an oversized fuzzy sweater or nice neutral overalls. Alex must be good for her since she seemed to have embraced her inner goddess.

 

Tara bit her bottom lip and held back a sigh. She had been attracted to the pretty girl so filled with confidence. From a few of the looks they had exchanged she had hoped that maybe Willow was interested in her as well. ‘Not much chance of that if she’s living with Alex.’

 

Willow caught a glimpse of Tara’s disappointed face and felt a catch in the area of her heart. ‘Whoa! That’s kinda complicated. Wonder if I’m bi or poly?’ She looked at the obviously pleased Alex and shook the thought from her head. ‘Nope. I’m all with the loyalness here. If I’m with Alex then that’s the choice I made. Still, a girl can look and maybe have a fantasy to herself. No harm in that.’

 

Alex threw a casual arm around her shoulder, “Welcome home sweetheart,” and kissed her on the cheek. For some reason, he didn’t feel the urge to aim for the lips.

 

“Good deductive work, Alex.” Giles nodded in approval. “It seems we’re well on our way to discovering just who we are and who we are to one another.”

 

Anya had been fondling a particularly attractive silk blouse. “I don’t know about that, Ruppy. I mean I wear this size too and I’d bet so does Joan.”

 

Dawn teared up. “But I don’t live here and if Joan is my sister… where do I live?”

 

“Calm down,” Tara comforted. “Anya was just pointing out that we can only make guesses at best is all. I don’t think you or Joan live here. Alex is probably right. He and Willow have aura’s that blend like they’re really close.”

 

“You can see auras?” Rupert asked in surprise.

 

“It seems so. I’m not sure what they all mean. Maybe the book you did bring will help me with that.”

 

“So,” Dawn asked timidly, “What do you see with all of us?”

 

“Like I said, I’m not sure what they mean. There’s a kind of pattern though that seems to say we’re all close… friends.”

 

Giles was curious, “What of Randy?”

 

“Randy has lots of colors too, not like the other vampires we've come across. His blends mostly with Joan and Dawn from what I’ve noticed.” Tara blushed. “I’d not want to assume anything. I really shouldn’t have said anything until I know more about what it all means.” She ducked her head shyly.

 

“Don’t be shy,” Anya patted her on the arm. “Speak up! A person should be able to talk freely among friends.”

 

There was a loud thud from the front door followed by banging.

 

“Open this door and let me in or one by one your neighbors are going to get what this guy did.”

 

It was the nasty vampire!

 

“Can he get in here?” Alex whispered in panic.

 

“Not based on what we’ve read. He has to be invited as you invited Randy.”

 

“Not getting one of those from me!”

 

Giles looked through the security peep-hole and saw a bloody body laid out on the other side of the door with the large vampire looming over his kill.

 

“You’re wasting your time, vampire. None of us are going to be so foolish as to let you in.”

 

The door across the hall opened and an elderly lady poked her head out. “Young man! I’m calling the police if you don’t stop all this loud shouting! It’s 9 P.M. and some of us are trying to sleep!”

 

The vampire grabbed the woman’s head before she could get it back inside her door and dragged her out, screaming.

 

“The bodies can just pile up then, your choice.” He sank his fangs into the old woman's throat and drank until her body slumped. 

 

Giles hoped she’d been given the mercy of a heart attack rather than death by exsanguination. Quicker that way.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

Joan and Randy heard the cursing and yelling before they cleared the stairwell leading to the floor where Alex lived.

 

‘No wonder we didn’t see him at the shop! He was here all this time. Glad he can’t just get in.’ Joan swallowed down her fear as she reminded herself that it wasn’t likely that their friends would be foolish enough to invite the ravening monster inside.

 

“How do you want to do this Joan?” Randy had fallen into the habit of deferring to her for final decisions even though he had proven himself her equal in battle.

 

As they looked around trying to work out a feasible battle plan the elderly neighbor of Alex was wrenched from her doorway. “The bodies can just pile up then, your choice,” the monster was taunting then began to rapidly drain the poor old thing.

 

“No time to make fancy plans then. Guess we just attack and kill the bastard,” Randy suggested.

 

“Not fancy, but doable,” Joan agreed fuming with righteous fury at having witnessed the death of an innocent. She dropped the book and bag they had retrieved from the shop on the stairs and pulled out a stake then nodded to Randy.

 

Joan came at him from the right and Randy flanked from the left as they blitzed the preoccupied vampire mid-rant. Joan’s stake narrowly missed his heart as he pivoted to more easily absorb a powerful blow from Randy.

 

“Dust him, son!” Rupert called out from the now open doorway. For some reason, the idea of this particular vampire becoming just so much dust appealed to him highly.

 

“Stay in there dad.” Randy felt a surge of panic at the thought of his father being harmed by the monster. An image of his father helplessly tied to a chair while this creature tortured him flashed through his mind and he wondered if this was not their first encounter with the beast. Perhaps this was the very monster who had taken his life and made him other than human.

 

That thought gave Randy renewed energy as he continued raining blows on the larger vampire.

 

As Joan and Randy’s assault pushed the monster further from Alex’s door, Giles took the opportunity to pull the two bodies into the apartment. Perhaps they still lived or could if helped.

 

Tara knelt next to the cab driver and sadly shook her head as she checked his vital signs. “He’s dead… at least I think he is. Since his aura looks more like Randy and that fiend’s he might be a demon of some kind though and I’m not sure how to tell if a demon is dead unless they explode into dust.”

 

Alex looked at the luckless cabby in shock, “He’s not human? He looks human. How can we tell if we’re human?” He began to hyperventilate at the thought that the world might be too complicated to even be sure of who the enemy was. “Why would he kill a demon? Aren’t they on the same side?”

 

Anya rolled her eyes. Really this boy was so very young and simple-minded. “I imagine demons are like humans. Not all humans are decent citizens either.”

 

“That does make sense,” Rupert nodded in agreement. He could see the appeal of his lovely fiance transcended her beauty and sex appeal. She clearly had a sound mind and was wise beyond her years. ‘She must be an old soul.’

 

Tara and Willow had examined the old woman’s body next. They had pretty much assumed she was dead having witnessed the attack first hand. … She was.

 

“I don’t think he drank all her blood,” Willow said. “She’s still bleeding a lot. She may have died from sheer terror.”

 

“Don’t let him get away!” Joan was shouting in the hallway.

 

“I’m bloody trying you dozy Bint,” the beleaguered Randy replied.

 

The monster shoved past Randy and dove out of the hall window to the courtyard below and was already sprinting towards the street.

 

“We can’t let him get away to kill anyone else,” Joan decided. She turned to the group gathered in the doorway. “We’re going after him.”

 

She tossed the magic book and bag of mixed supplies to Willow and tugged on Randy’s sleeve. “We’ll hunt him down and finish this. You guys stay here and don’t go out or let anyone in.”

 

*** 

 

Alex looked at the two corpses in his foyer in dismay. “So do we call the cops? What do we tell them?”

 

Rupert sighed, “They would have to be singularly stupid or willfully ignorant to not know of such creatures. Still to be on the safe side perhaps we should wait until Joan and Randy return and then decide how to deal with these unfortunates.”

 

Willow was already rooting around in the bag of various herbs and candles, book open, trying to match ingredients to spells.

 

“Oh, neat! We could do this cool spell to make the oven clean itself. Bet I hate doing that chore!”

 

Tara looked at the girl in horror. “Magic shouldn’t be used for frivolous stuff that you can easily do yourself, Willow. I don’t remember much but somehow I know that leads to bad things. Magic is sacred, not some game or powerful toy.”

 

Willow huffed and gave the other girl a condescending look. “Magic is just a tool. Once someone knows how to use the tool it’s good for whatever you want,” She smiled at Alex, “Isn’t that right, honey?”

 

Alex gulped. He kinda agreed with Tara but knew that the last thing he wanted to do was piss off his girlfriend the witch. That way was sure to lead to lily pads and warty skin. “I’m sure you’re a master tool user, sweetness.”

 

Willow took off the jacket belonging to Alex that she’d been wearing and dropped it casually on one of the kitchen stools. She didn’t notice the black crystal that fell from the pocket.

 

“Okie dokie,” she grabbed the new book from Rupert’s place at the table. “Let’s see about getting our memories back. I’m pretty sure once I remember how to use my power I can just make that vampire go poof, maybe all the demons while I’m at it.”

 

“Let’s just concentrate on our memories for now shall we?” Giles found the young woman’s attitude alarming. ‘I don’t want her doing anything to hurt my boy after all.’

 

*** 

 

Joan and Randy had the vampire cornered in an alleyway a few blocks away from Alex’s apartment.

 

Randy had discovered that he could scent the other vampire and track him with apparent ease.

 

‘Neat trick,’ Joan thought with only the slightest bit of jealousy. ‘Comes in handy.’

 

The vampire seemed to know its reign of terror was nearing an end and was fighting as only something does when their existence is on the line.

 

Joan and Randy made a superlative team however and the end seemed inevitable.

 

***

 

Alex poured a soda for his girlfriend who was immersed in the magic books. He stumbled a bit and his foot came down hard on something fragile.

 

Everyone looked everywhere but at one another as memories flooded back.

 

Tara let out a groan then a sob and fled the apartment.

 

Dawn looked at the two bodies and began to cry.

 

***

 

Buffy grabbed Spike’ arm as he prepared to plunge the stake into Angel’s heart.

 

“Wait! It was a spell. No killing. He couldn’t help it!”

 

“Don’t you mean no MORE killin’, Slayer? Gramps here already did a couple,” Spike muttered.

 

Angel would get another free pass as always. Spike didn’t need Dru’s second sight to know that was coming.

 

Buffy was in tears as she looked from Angel to Spike in confusion. All she knew for certain was that she needed space, a lot of space especially between herself and Willow who, she was certain, was behind this fiasco.

 

“Buffy,” Angel turned sad eyes on the Slayer, entreating her for compassion and love. “I don’t know what happened! You know I’d never act like that, do those things.”

 

Spike snorted in derision, “Right, cause you’re not some vampire. You’re the Great Angel, Champion of the Masses and King of Hair Gel.”

 

“Shut up Spike!” Angel and Buffy said together though only Angel’s voice held any true rancor.

 

Spike couldn’t watch much less listen. “Fine then. I’ll be at the Magic Box helpin’ repair the mess he left before anyone helps themselves to anything dangerous. You two go on with your spin doctorin’ for the kiddies.”

 

Neither noticed as Spike walked off hurriedly his eyes blurred with unshed and unwanted tears.

 

Buffy broke the silence first, “Why are you even here Angel?”

 

Angel gave her his most tragic hero expression, “I came for a book. A prophecy. There’s this problem back in LA and I remembered that Giles had a copy of the Nyazian Scroll that had more about something called the Tro-Clon. End of world stuff according to what Wes found in our copy. It was kinda urgent. I don’t know what happened beyond that Buff, I swear.”

 

“I remember everything that happened. Are you saying you don’t?”

 

Angel didn’t meet her eyes. “It’s all a blur, Buff. It was like I was outside myself only able to see what I was doing through a fog or something. Something must have put chains on my soul.” He could see that Buffy wasn’t signing on to that one.

 

“If not the spell then maybe the head injury,” he turned pain filled eyes on Buffy looking for sympathy. “I got quite the wallop when I fell, just before I lost consciousness.” He gently fingered the lump hidden in his mass of straight up hair not dislodging a single strand and grimaced. “It really hurts.”

 

To his surprise, Buffy didn’t appear to be concerned. She merely looked at him as if he were little more than a stranger, an unwelcome one at that.

 

“You don’t have a phone?”

 

He started to reply but Buffy put up a restraining hand. “Never mind, I know you … why call when you can skulk back into my town and get the scroll thingie yourself. Is that why you were in the closet? Didn’t want to upset me or break my lovesick heart again by running into me?”

 

Angel didn’t catch the sarcasm and nodded hopefully.

 

“Well, you didn’t have to bother. I would have been fine seeing you. Although it’s kind of weird you couldn’t come here when you heard I was back from the dead a few weeks ago but could make the drive to swipe some old prophecy.”

 

“It’s not like that, Buffy. Be reasonable,” his voice smacked of condescension and Buffy was too pissed off to be patronized. Again Angel didn’t notice. “I’m dealing with end of the world stuff here, time was of the essence.”

 

“And again… phone.” Buffy narrowed her eyes. There was something fishy going on and it wasn’t the shark demon she and Rand… Spike… had dispatched earlier. She knew Angel well enough to know she wasn’t likely to get anything out of him, not by herself at least.

 

“Let’s go to the shop and call the gang. We have to sort out what happened. Your scroll is going to have to wait that long at least. Two people are dead. You can’t just drive away in a cloud of smoke from that, Angel.”

 

Angel looked both annoyed and uncomfortable. “To be fair, Buffy, the cab driver was a demon so that doesn’t count. The lady was dead before I ever got fangs near her so it was a natural death. I didn’t really kill anyone.”

 

Buffy raised an eyebrow in an expression too reminiscent of Spike for Angel’s liking. Once this was all settled he’d have to see what nonsense his offspring was up to that he was hanging around Buffy freely. The two had seemed far too chummy.

 

“Come on, we’ll go together,” Buffy grabbed Angel’s arm and pointed him in the direction of the Magic Box. He was far too skilled at disappearing into the night to count on his just coming along on his own and Buffy was way too tired to chase after him.

 

***

 

Willow had been full of tears and excuses at first then slid into a self-righteous screed about how she’d only been trying to help her badly depressed friend and had no idea why they had all been affected. “I have NO idea why Angel was even here,” she argued when Anya pointed out the two dead bodies in her home.

 

“Not to change the subject from the very important one of not ever doing something like this again,” Xander gave Willow a stern look. “But what are we going to do with the demon taxi driver and Mrs. Keppler?”

 

Giles bit back the tirade he felt bubbling up regarding Willow and her irresponsible misuse of magic. He realized he would likely need to postpone his return to Bath until this mess was sorted.

 

“We’ll take your neighbor back to her own apartment as the door is still open. An anonymous call to the police will sort that out. As for the cab driver… we can place his body in his taxi if it’s still in the area and let someone else discover it.”

 

“Good plan G-Man,” Xander breathed in relief. They needed Giles to come up with solutions for situations like this one. Surely he’d stay now.

 

Xander looked at Willow from the corner of his eye and noted the stubborn and defensive set of her jaw. Resolve face times a thousand. Yeah, they needed Giles to stay.

 

“Let’s get to it then and back to the shop. Thanks to Angel our money and merchandise is unsecured,” Anya frowned.

 

***

 

Little by little the story came out. Buffy was horrified that her best friend had planned to steal her memories of heaven. Bad enough Willow had snatched her physically away from the peace and rest there not to mention the reunion with her mom but it seemed she wasn’t even going to let Buffy have the comfort of the memories either! Buffy was livid.

 

Giles had listened to Angel’s excuses and ideas about why he had become like Angelus without his memories.

 

‘Spike had his memories removed as well,’ Giles thought fuming at Angel’s perfidy. ‘Spike hadn’t even realized he was a vampire much less even tried to kill anyone. He’d even saved Xander when Angel had tried to kill him.’

 

“I do not understand why you reverted in that way. Your behavior was purely evil,” Giles repeated for the zillionth time. “I wouldn’t think your soul would permit that even with no memories to guide you.”

 

“Yeah,” Dawn added. “Spike doesn’t even have a soul and lost his memories too and he didn’t go around killing little old ladies.”

 

“I didn’t kill her!” Angel yelled. Didn’t these people get it? “She died a natural death.”

 

“If it’s natural to be scared into a heart attack,” Xander sniped.

 

“It isn’t my fault,” Angel began again “The spell must have muted the soul enough for the demon to take control.”

 

Spike rolled his eyes and hoped no one was buying any of the tripe his grandsire was trying to sell. He sighed and resigned himself to the idea that, as usual, the Poofter was going to skate.

 

“What about Spike?” Dawn demanded again.

 

“What about Spike? I don’t have a chip to keep the demon at bay,” Angel retorted angrily and threw a sneer at the younger vampire and Buffy’s annoying brat sister.

 

“Maybe you should,” Dawn suggested.

 

As the same argument was about to start yet again, this time from Willow insisting she was not responsible for Angel going all evil, Anya had had enough. “Really! What is wrong with everyone? My shop is vandalized and innocents are dead yet no one is responsible?” She almost wished she’d left when Tara had earlier.

 

Giles and Angel were once more going round and round about the soul and what impact the magic might have had on it when Anya snapped again. “Just what do you people think that curse…”

 

“Soul!” Buffy interrupted.

 

Anya rolled her eyes. “Curse! A classic vengeance curse. It’s still held in awe because of its elegant subtleties.

 

Everyone, even Angel shut up and stared at Anya.

 

“It’s textbook vengeance… literally. Page 493 of the ‘New Unabridged Twisting the Knife, Vol. 32’... illustrated.”

 

Giles looked stunned. “Do you mean to say that Angel’s soul, er curse, was a vengeance wish?”

 

All eyes turned to Anya yet again. “Well… not a wish in form. The wish part was for the wording to get the full intent for the spellcaster. The girl’s grandmother was thinking of something faster but Shirazi was summoned by her rage. He IS the vengeance demon who’s the patron of grieving grandparents after all. He convinced her to wish for a perfect spell to do the most harm, cause the most pain.”

 

Giles looked fascinated. “You know the fullness of this curse?”

 

Buffy spoke at the same time, “Can the soul be anchored, you know… so he can’t lose it?”

 

Spike felt his heart clench at her words. Not only would he lose any change with Buffy but would have to see his Plonker of a grandsire ride off into the sunset with the girl he loved once again. It wasn’t fair!

 

“Sorry, not that I know of,” Anya shrugged then smiled sympathetically at Buffy.

 

Angel put a consoling hand on Buffy’s arm. “It’s okay, Buff, there’s this prophecy Wes found about me. Once I’ve saved the world and a few other things for the Powers I’ll get my reward and it won’t matter.”

 

“Reward?” Spike sputtered. “Reward for what? Biggest ego? Most amusin’ use of hair gel?”

 

Angel looked at him with annoyance. “A reward for all my suffering.”

 

Spike stared at him in disbelief. “Why would you expect a reward for takin’ your punishment… punishment you richly deserve I might add?”

 

“You could never understand what I’ve been through Spike. The things I’ve had to endure,” he looked longingly at Buffy, “Things I’ve had to give up.”

 

“So… You’re sayin’ you expect a reward for the years of soul-havin’ The soul that was cursed on you as a punishment for unspeakable things you did to a little girl?” He snorted again. “So by your ‘logic’... if a serial killer gets put in prison and has it a bit rough that he’s earned some kind of prezzie ‘cause he got some owies in prison? Don’t work that way you self-deluded, arrogant Berk.”

 

Giles nodded in agreement with his son. ‘I must stop that nonsense at once!’ he corrected himself. ‘Still, Spike is right. Angel doesn’t deserve any reward for his well-earned suffering.’

 

Buffy was still stuck on the thought of Angel and his slippery soul. “Anya there has to be a way. What happened this time was quick but when he lost his soul the first time… well, without the soul Angel is dangerous to everyone. We have to fix this once and for all.”

 

Anya shook her head, “It doesn’t work that way.”

 

“How does it work?” Giles had always wondered but never once thought the ex-vengeance demon might be the source for an answer. ‘Anya might be a highly underused resource,’ he chided himself in embarrassment.

 

“Well, the soul is part of it of course. A soul makes it easier to force him to care about right and wrong. It can allow him to feel broader empathy. But that capacity is there anyway, just look at Spike.”

 

Everyone did… to his discomfort.

 

“See, without a soul it’s easier to ignore. Lots of souled humans and demons ignore it just fine.” Anya preened under the eyes of the people who had largely paid her no mind for so long. “Hell’s full of them.”

 

“But it makes Angel feel guilt,” Buffy argued.

 

Anya looked at Angel and laughed. “You think Liam ever felt guilt before he lost his soul? Do you think he cared about what he did to that girl and her family just because of a soul?”

 

Angel had the grace to look a bit sheepish, “But I DO,” he insisted.

 

“Really? Maybe Liam has learned a bit then. Picked it up from the soul they cursed you with originally.”

 

Angel, Giles, and Buffy all sputtered, “Huh?”

 

“Oh yeah. They knew Liam O’Connor’s soul was as dark as most vampires even before he met Darla so it would be useless in a curse.”

 

Giles was horrified. “So some unfortunates pure soul was used to curse him? Unconscionable!”

 

“It was the girl's grandmother, the one who did the curse. She was planning suicide because of the grief and thought it would damn her soul by doing that anyway so she wanted to make it count.”

 

Buffy’s eyes widened in horror, “Oh, God!”

 

“So it was the old Gypsy’s bit… woman’s soul all those years?” Angel was shocked but it did explain a lot of his misery.

 

“And the reason you were so guilt-ridden is because she made sure of it.”

 

“But you seem to be saying that Angel’s soul isn’t hers now,” Giles pointed out.

 

“When Willow did her re-ensouling it wasn’t quite the same curse that was given by Shirazi and it called his own soul, Liam’s soul back.” Anya looked at Angel with curiosity. “Maybe that’s why it’s easier for you to ignore the remorse now. It’s Liam and his flawed soul your housing now. Actually, it’s amazing he does feel guilt.”

 

Angel’s mind raced back as he thought of standing and watching as Dru and Darla killed the room filled with lawyers and their spouses without a shred of remorse. He thought of the night he slept with Darla in an attempt to lose the soul once and for all only to keep the soul but conceive the baby she was currently carrying. “So it was Liam who tried to lose the soul,” he whispered.

 

The whisper was low but Buffy and Spike both heard it.

 

“Huh with the huh?”

 

Angel tried to side-step the whole issue but Buffy was having none of it.

 

“You don’t know how it was, Buffy, how tormented I was. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just wanted to stop feeling.”

 

After insistent questioning from Buffy and Giles the whole story came out. How Darla had been returned and had been human. How he had tried to save her. How she had been turned by Dru.

 

‘So that’s what Dru was going on about,’ Spike realized in amazement. “Never heard of a vampire comin’ back from the dust. You sure you’re not pullin’ our leg, gramps?”

 

“I swear it’s the truth. Call Wes if you don’t believe me. He was there, they all were.”

 

He continued the sordid tale of how he had seduced the newly vamped Darla to his bed with the vague thought that he would lose his soul and could finally stop feeling nothing but misery and how that tryst had led to the miraculous baby that was at the crux of the prophecy he sought.

 

“I just wanted to feel something besides the cold,” Angel concluded.

 

“Do I even know you?” Buffy felt as if all the air had left the room along with all her illusions about her ex-lover.

 

Angel lowered his eyes, “I guess not. Maybe I don’t know me either since I’ve literally not been myself for a couple of centuries it seems.”

 

Spike shook his head in disgust. “Oh, you’ve been in there. I still have William in here. Just lost bits for a while. Sounds like it was an upgrade in your case havin’ the girls granny move in to clean house. Now you’re back to Liam 1.0 but he was always there even if his soul wasn’t.”

 

Willow giggled at the computer joke, relieved that all the drama had removed the focus from her and her spell.

 

Everyone turned to glare at Willow… perhaps the focus wasn’t totally off her after all.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

“I’m not saying what he did was okay in any way,” Buffy reassured everyone. “I’m just saying that for some unknown reason the Powers seem to have some use for Angel and whatever is going on with this baby is important enough that there’s a prophecy.”

 

Xander had been all for staking Angel and saving the world from any future encounters with that vampire off the leash. Giles had silently agreed. Buffy wasn’t surprised as both the men in her life had a long-standing hatred for her ex. She wasn’t too fond of him, herself, at the moment.

 

Buffy thought back to everything that happened when she had unwittingly released Angelus the first time and understood how they felt. She had really never wanted to have to dust him even as he committed atrocity after atrocity. He had forced her hand. She had always held on to the false hope that deep down her Angel was still in there just needing to be loved back to the surface. She wished that she could chalk it up to her youth, but knew she had to own up to her own tendency to ignore things that she didn’t want to see. Like who Angel really was instead of who she wanted him to be.

 

Eventually, it came down to her desire to believe her dream or the survival of the world and she made the right choice. ‘Huh, even then there was a clear difference between Spike and Angelus.’

 

Buffy ran that through her brain. All this time she and everyone else had been judging Spike and his choices and behaviors against Angel complete with soul… if she were being fully truthful it was more than that. They had been judging him against human standards. Meanwhile, they all knew and never stopped bringing up that Spike had no soul at all. Any fair comparison had to be between Angelus and Spike and the results were in and it wasn’t what she would have thought it would be just the day before, if asked.

 

Spike with no soul cared about far more than just evil and murder. He had no desire to see the world end. He loved, and took care of those he loved, not always in ways Buffy could approve of but clearly, out of love. Spike not only still had his human traits but he cultivated them. The more he was around humans the more that became a thing. He had a weird trustworthiness too. If he gave his word, he kept it even if the person he gave it to had died.

 

None of that could be applied to Angelus. Angelus was all about the evil. He fully embraced the demonic aspects and resented everything about humanity that didn’t involve his evil designs. No one with a brain could trust Angelus further than they could pick him up with their pinky! 

 

Still, after she had reluctantly sent Angel to hell to end his apocalypse the Powers had sent him back. They gave him a seer to help him out there in LA and it seemed they had plans for him and this child that he’d managed to create in a shockingly human way. She couldn’t stand in the way of that and hope to succeed. He might well deserve staking but what good would it do if they’d just bring him back again?

 

She still cared enough for the guy she had once loved beyond the telling to be a bit glad that she had a good reason not to make him pay for his evil tendencies. Better to send him back to LA and make him the Powers problem. At least she could let him go at last, for real this time.

 

There was a massive difference between Spike and Angel but it wasn’t the one she had always believed. It wasn’t that souled Angel was good and unsouled Spike bad… it was that Spike was, at his core, a better person. The soul didn’t make nearly the amount of difference she had always thought it did.

 

Angel with a soul had tried to kill Xander, had allowed a room full of people to be murdered. Spike with no soul had saved Xander and made a truce with the Slayer to stop the end of the world, had stayed in Sunnydale after she had died to fulfil a promise.

 

Based on things Anya had said and what they had all seen and now had some time to process, the soul gave tools. The soul made some choices a bit easier to make. The soul didn’t make those choices or guarantee the inclination towards good. She should have seen that! Ted Bundy had a soul as far as she knew and so did Hitler Even Principal Snyder had had one or so she assumed. She had been blind, but like in that song she remembered from church when she was a little kid, ‘but now I see’.

 

Angel left. Spike stayed. Angel stirred trouble, brought heartache. Spike helped, tried to offer solace. They were nothing alike but it had nothing to do with the soul.

 

***

 

Angel hung up the phone and looked at the room filled with people who had made it clear that they found him wanting. Once he would have counted most of them as friends but he had the sad feeling some bridges had been burnt beyond the rebuilding with this ill-fated trip. Willow had ruined everything!

 

“Wes says Darla is hanging in there. She’s still bitching about having the baby at all but she’s not being too difficult. They’re safe in Lorne’s Sanctuary so they should be okay till I get back there.”

 

“No demon-baby yet?” Xander’s tone of voice making his opinion clear.

 

“The baby is a regular human, Harris.” Angel wished for a moment that he’d ripped out the asshole’s jugular when he had his fangs in it. He knew he should be appalled to have the thought but truly Xander could try the patience of a saint and even with the original soul he’d lived with after the curse, he was never a saint.

 

“Forgive the confusion what with the stellar pedigree and all,” Xander snarked.

 

“This baby is a miracle. The Powers have great plans for it and this prophecy will help us know what’s in store,” Angel took the scroll that Giles reluctantly handed to him.

 

Giles had not wanted to give it to the Berk but a quick glance at it had confirmed that they were potentially dealing with events and individuals that could bring about the end of the world. Given the personal interests to Angel in the form of this child, Giles was fairly certain that Angel would be trying to have events go in favor of humanity. Still…

 

“I’ll have that back as soon as Wesley has finished transcribing and studying it.” Once he got it back he intended devoting a sizable amount of time and resources to studying it for himself.

 

“If you don’t need me any longer I need to head back. There’s the baby coming and the sun is also a factor.”

 

“Don’t let the door hit you,” Spike suggested. He couldn’t wait to see the back of him at long last. Maybe he could suss out what Buffy was thinking once the King of Pain had exited the stage.

 

“Indeed. The sooner you get back to your situation the sooner you can deal with the issues your indiscretion with your sire brought into being.” Giles just could not see a baby conceived by two notoriously evil vampires as something positive.

 

“Buffy, I’ll call you as soon as the baby’s born,” Angel smiled sweetly at the girl he’d left behind already.

 

“Don’t bother unless there’s some Slayer related reason to let me know.” Buffy really didn’t want to hear about his weird love-child. Darla had been nothing but a dusty unpleasant memory to her but obviously, she had always been quite important to Angel. Well, he was welcome to her and to the family he had made with her. Buffy was surprised to realize the pain she expected in thinking about that wasn’t really there.

 

Angel blinked in surprise then chalked it up to Buffy’s heartbreak that the child was not hers and nodded in understanding. He took the precious scroll and rushed to his car to race the sun back to his home and his destiny.

 

Everyone felt the tension ease as Angel left the building and their town.

 

Giles had been pondering the implications of all that had transpired during Willow’s self-serving spell. There were things revealed that would be tumbling in his mind for years to come, no doubt. So much to think about, to learn or perhaps unlearn in some cases.

 

“Spike, if I might ask… We all saw what you did and heard what you said under the influence of Willow’s spell. I’d like to ask what you were feeling if you don’t mind?”

 

Spike didn’t answer at first. On one hand, the question itself made him feel exposed, vulnerable. Still, this was the first time that any of them had even hinted that they believed he could feel anything real much less ask him about it. If he allowed himself to get defensive it might be the last.

 

“Human.”

 

Giles stared at him for quite a while then nodded.

 

“Also needed and useful.”

 

“Yes. I can see that. You were fairly transparent all in all. I suppose I can look back and see that’s rather a character trait, one I’ve been remiss in noting until now.”

 

*** 

 

Angel settled into brood-mode as he drove back towards LA. Everything about what had happened there in Sunnydale had unnerved him. Not so much what he’d done under the spell… that had clearly been Willow’s fault. What he’d learned about the original curse bothered him and the vibes he’d picked up between Spike and Buffy really bothered him.

 

He needed to see to his child’s safe birth, deal with Darla then sort out those issues.

 

The thought of the coming baby put a rare smile on his face. There was the proof! All that nonsense about there not being a reward for all his suffering was shown to be wrong just by the fact that this child was coming. It was obvious to anyone with a brain. ‘Well that put Spike out of consideration.’ he laughed at his silent joke at his grandchilde’s expense.

 

The baby was a miracle! One vampire didn’t make babies in spite of fiction. Two was double the impossible. The fact that he and Darla had conceived was literally an act of God, a bonafide miracle! Proof that he was favored by the Powers.

 

Having a baby in such an impossible way was the Powers way of reassuring their Champion that he was on the road to his full reward. He merely had to stay the course. Eventually, he’d achieve the Shanshu and then he and Buffy could raise his child and be the family he was promised. With the child coming now that reward couldn’t be too far off in the future. Buffy would bond with his baby and as long as it all came his way before the tyke was too old, the child would see Buffy as its only mother.

 

Darla didn’t want the child anyway so she wouldn’t put up a fuss. If she tried to interfere with Angel’s destiny, he’d just have to remove her from the path.

 

Somewhere in the back of his subconscious he had a few worrying bits about the soul issue. He thought about the room filled with lawyers and his reaction to watching his girls feeding. “Oh well, lawyers are evil anyway. They deserved to die for what they did in bringing Darla back and drawing Dru there to sire her. And as for my sleeping with Darla, I was just depressed and even Christ had his Gethsemane.”

 

He felt the weight of worry leave his shoulders as he justified his actions.

 

He smiled again and turned on the radio and began to sing along with Neil Sedaka’s ‘Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen,’ but substituting seventeen in the lyric. ‘God, Buff was so hot back then! What a great birthday.’ “I can't believe my eyes, you're just a teenage dream,” he warbled offkey and drifted into memories of that happiest moment in his life.

 

***

 

“You know what my family did to me,” Tara said reproachfully. “How they played with my mind, telling me that my gift, the magic, was part of my being a demon. They tried to control me; make me be what they wanted, do what they wanted.”

 

Willow looked at her lover in confusion not understanding what Tara was getting at.

 

“Then Glory took my mind to feed herself, left me a shell.”

 

Willow brightened, “Yeah, and I fixed it!”

 

Tara glared at her in stunned amazement. “You’re missing the point! It’s MY mind, my right to choose how to think and feel. But this isn’t the first time you’ve decided to use magic to get me to think and act the way you think I should. It’s like my family all over again.”

 

Willow frowned. “No, Tara, it’s not at all! I just don’t want us to fight. I love you babe!”

 

“If you love me you’d let me feel however I feel and if you don’t want to fight then don’t fight.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“That’s the problem, Willow. You really don’t.” Tara sighed, all the fight going out of her, engulfed in hurt. “It’s like a rape… NO, it is a rape. You force your will on me.”

 

Willow was angry, “I’ve never raped you!”

 

“You have, Willow. Not just by making me act and feel the way you want but when you took away my memory of being angry and then made love it was actual rape. If I was still angry I wouldn’t have been in the mood for even cuddles. That’s rape in the purest sense.”

 

Willow paled, horrified that her beloved felt that way. “But we love each other.”

 

“Yes, we do. But it was still rape.” Tara stood and paced. “Married people can rape too and usually they love each other. Rape is forcing your will on another person and that’s what you’ve been doing.”

 

“You make me sound like some kind of sick serial rapist,” Willow pouted.

 

“That’s the road you’re going on, Willow. You have to stop this. Stop thinking you are always right. Stop thinking that your way is the only way. It’s arrogant and hurtful.”

 

Willow finally realized that there was no cajoling Tara into quick forgiveness this time. “Please baby. I’ll be better. I swear I’ll give up magic.”

 

Tara sat back down and her shoulders slumped. “You can’t. Magic is part of you now. Besides the problem isn’t the magic, it’s your need to always be in control, always be right. Alway have everyone else being and doing what you think they should. That’s not the magic, Willow… it’s you.”

 

“I can fix me,” Willow vowed.

 

“Yes, you can but I don’t think you really think there’s anything wrong with you or what you’ve been doing. I think you only think you need to say the right things, make the right promises and I’ll give in again. I love you Willow but I’m done enabling you… that’s not love..”

 

Willow and Tara were both in tears by now.

 

“You’re leaving me?”

 

“I can’t be with you as long as you don’t work on letting go of your power trips. Your need to always be in the driver’s seat with everyone even the Slayer!”

 

“So you ARE leaving me.” Willow unconsciously conceded that she didn’t want to change really.

 

“I’ll get my things and call Tina to see if I can bunk with her until I get a place,” Tara stood.

 

Buffy hadn’t wanted to eavesdrop but neither girl had even tried to keep their conversation private having gone at it in the middle of the Magic Box.

 

“Tara, you don’t have to leave your home.”

 

“Yeah, Buffy, I do. I appreciate you calling it my home but I just can’t be around Willow now.”

 

“I get that. I mean you shouldn’t be the one to leave. Willow did the rapey thing to me too.” She looked at the meddlesome witch who had changed so much over the last few years from the shy, awkward, girl she once had befriended. “I can’t be around her right now either.”

 

Willow looked like a gaping fish

 

“Willow. I need you to move… I don’t care if it’s back to the dorms or back to your folks or in with Xander and Anya but you need to be out tonight.”

 

“So that’s it? One teensie little mistake … and I don’t even know why the spell went kaplooie. Angel’s the one who killed people and that wasn’t my fault!” She saw the looks directed her way from all the others in the shop and backed down a bit. “Okay, I messed up. I admit it. Tara might be right and I need to do some deep thinkin’ but you aren’t both going to toss away all we are to each other over one little mistake?”

 

“More than one,” Spike reminded her. “Been off the reservation for quite a while, Red. Muckin’ about in our heads while patrollin’. Taking the lead role for that matter even with the Watcher right there. Pullin’ people from their eternal reward.”

 

“Yeah,” She snarled, “Like you hate that bit of magic. We all see how glad you are to have Buffy back to sniff after.”

 

“Enough!” Giles was appalled. He couldn’t do anything about Willow’s rather alarming attitude, her character flaws that had been exposed by her spell choices. ‘Really should have noted that issue when she performed the Will Be Done spell… the problem was spelled out in the name itself. I HAVE been blind.’

 

Willow had her back up and was getting defensive. She and Spike were squaring off and it wasn’t going to be good for the vampire under the circumstances. Buffy had put herself between the two as the tension mounted and sparks had began to pop from Willow’s fingers.

 

“Buffy is quite within her rights to ask you to move out, Willow. You pay no rent that I know of so no legal rights for a notice is needed. You should accede to her wishes and allow everyone’s hurts to heal.” He took hold of Willow’s shoulders and turned her to face him. “I think you need help, Willow. I’ve been remiss. You have abundant natural talent regarding magic, that should have been obvious long before you were successful with the resurrection spell. What you do not have is discipline. You are like a child playing with a gun and it’s no wonder there have been casualties.”

 

Willow glared at him.

 

“I know first hand about this Willow. I, too, had strong natural abilities that I allowed myself to abuse out of my own pride. Hubris is one of the cardinal sins and has led to the downfall of even the most powerful mages.”

 

“You’d best remember that’s what I am, Giles… I have more power than you can imagine,” Willow muttered.

 

“So you have reminded me more than once in the last few months. Surely that should give you a clue in itself. Is that the thinking of the sort of person you were or want to be? Someone who threatens those who care about you? Who hurt the very people you love, who love you?”

 

Willow deflated. “Of course not but that’s not…”

 

“It’s exactly,” Giles nodded.

 

Giles sighed. He had intended to return to England and stay. Now it looked like he wouldn’t travel alone if he could just get through to the girl. Looking from face to face he also knew that his trip would have to be just that… a trip. He had been neglecting his duties with all of them. He was needed. He would have to return.

 

“As I announced before all this occurred I am headed back to England.”

 

“No! Giles. Please reconsider,” Buffy began to cry. “I just can’t take that right now.”

 

Giles drew her into his arms. “Buffy, I must. But only for a bit. I admit I had intended to stay but these events have made me see that I am needed here. I’ll return as soon as I get some things sorted. In the meantime I’ll only be a phone call away.”

 

“Will you be long?”

 

“No longer than necessary,” he promised. Then turned to Willow once again. “Willow, I’d like you to join me.” He put up a hand to forestall any argument. “There is a coven in Devon that helped me after my youthful indiscretions. You’ll remember the trouble I got myself into with summoning Eyghon just because we could. It was a character flaw with me as well. The head of the coven helped me learn the proper use of magic and she also helped me grow out of the traits that had led me to its misuse. She can do the same for you if you’ll permit it. I fear if you don’t take action now and if you continue on the path you are currently walking you’ll be more like Ethan and as a result lose all that you most treasure.”

 

Willow gulped. “I can’t be that bad,” she protested weakly. “Can I?” She looked imploringly at Tara then Buffy.

 

“You aren’t bad, Willow. If you were bad we wouldn’t care. But you need help,” Tara nodded. “I think Mr. Giles has made a generous offer and you’d be foolish to turn him down.”

 

“If I go… could we….”

 

“We’ll see. Willow, I love you. That hasn’t changed. But I won’t be with someone I can’t trust. It’s really all up to you.”

 

Buffy bit her lip. “I’m still mad about you bringing me back from heaven but I get why you did it. I still love you too, Willow, but like Tara said… I can’t trust you. I can’t let myself be around people I can’t trust. Get your act together, be the Willow we all fell in love with and then we’ll talk.”

 

“When do we leave?” Willow whispered.

 

***

 

They left a few days later. Giles changed his reservation and got a second ticket for Willow after confirming that the coven would be happy to accept her for training. Buffy was relieved that Giles’ ticket was round trip even if Willow’s was not. A few weeks standing on her own she could handle. She glanced at those around her and amended, ‘maybe not so alone.’

 

Xander had borrowed a company van so they could all go to see them off. As much as he hated seeing his oldest friend going off alone into the unknown he was relieved. He felt that he was losing her already if she didn’t go then it was the kind of losing that never would have a return ticket.

 

Even Spike had been encouraged to come along as Giles continued to pick his brain and take notes on the trip to the airport.

 

“I have contacts both in the Council and outside. I really think the things we witnessed and experienced need more research. Obviously the soul is one issue that needs reflection. I find that I may need to question more than a few of the set-in-stone conclusions about the nature of vampires based on the behavior of Spike with his memories erased. Either he is quite the anomaly or there are large gaps in our understanding.”

 

Spike let out a burst of laughter. “Not sure I’m a good example. I made up my mind to hang on to as much human as I could just to drive the Old Bugger off his bird. “

 

“I think it’s more than that,” Buffy said. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. You’re nothing like Angel or Angelus.”

 

Spike quirked his brow, “What makes you think all vampires are alike anyway? Are all humans alike?”

 

Giles blinked, “Excellent point. I suppose that’s a good place to start actually.”

 

“Well it’s about time someone in the Council decided to actually learn something real about the beings you’re all hot to kill!” Anya huffed. They had all begun to listen a bit when she talked since Willow’s nasty spell… well, not when she talked about sex, but about demons at least. “Maybe you’ll wind up with an informed Slayer and that will really shake things up.”

 

“Indeed,” Giles smiled at her. “And when I return I’d like to have several discussions with you as well, Anya. It seems I’ve neglected many a resource over the years.”

 

Anya preened. “I’ll be happy to help… as long as I don’t miss any paying customers.”

 

*** 

 

“Kinda quiet with Willow gone,” Dawn pointed out when they all returned home. “Not that she’s loud or anything but you can feel that someone’s missing.”

 

“Giles too,” Buffy pointed out.

 

Xander slapped his hands together and rubbed them. “I know just the thing! What do you say to a ‘missed the bullet’ party at the Bronze. I mean it could have been a lot worse under that spell.”

 

Buffy shrugged. It seemed better than another night of thinking. “Sure. Let me change into something more Bronzie and less Airport-goodbying.”

 

“Dibs on your pink cammie!” Dawn raced ahead and up the stairs.

 

“Dawn!!!”

 

Spike moved towards the front door, “Well. Guess I’ll head back to the crypt. Tell the Slayer I’ll do patrol for her, don’t worry about cuttin’ the party short.”

 

Xander looked at Spike speculatively, “How about you join us instead then we can all patrol after?”

 

Spike looked at Xander in shock. “You invitin’ ME?”

 

“Well, yeah,” Xander grinned. “I figure you saved my life, the least I can do is buy you a beer… on purpose this time not because you steal my cash and buy it yourself.” He laughed at Spike’s gobsmacked look.

 

“Um,” Spike gulped and forced back his emotions. He never would have expected any kind of acceptance from this particular Scooby. He was far more moved than he would ever be willing to admit even under torture. “Sure. But I can still do the patrol. You and your bird can get with some of that role-playin’ she seems to love.”

 

“Thank you Spike. I was thinking about that myself,” Anya nodded.

 

“And I’m the Slayer in case anyone has forgotten,” Buffy added having caught the last part of Spike’s offer. “I plan to do a patrol and don’t need an army to do it.”

 

“How ‘bout a partner?” Spike offered. “Randy seemed to do a decent job of backin’ up Joan even though she didn’t need it either.”

 

“Partner is of the good.” Buffy nodded then yelled upstairs, “Dawn if you aren’t down here by the count of five you’re staying home!”

 

***

 

It was a quiet patrol, only one fledge and no demon activity. Buffy and Spike found themselves automatically headed to Restview and Spike’s crypt.

 

“Spike,” Buffy put a hand on his arm. “Before all this memory stuff happened and before that weird shark guy interrupted… and can I just say you have weird habits? I mean kittens?” She laughed at his embarrassed expression. “Anyway, you said we needed to talk and you were right.”

 

They had stopped walking and were facing one another, bathed in moonlight and tense with all there was between them.

 

“I’m thinking we can talk as much as you want but…” she gathered all her courage and took the leap. “Can we just kiss first?”

 

 

~fin


End file.
